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Hong Kong will step up checks on vegetable imports from China after dangerous levels of pesticides were found m produce sold at supermarkets, an official said yesterday. Customs officers will test samples from every food truck that enters from China, the official.

Aboutpeople had their journeys disrupted, while 2, passengers on the Yamanote loop line left the train cars and walked along the track, the railway. Prosecutors have been investigating the Hyundai Automotive Group over suspicion lookinf it embezzled money from affiliates to create a slush fund and used.

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Pakistan-born Faheem Khalid Lodhi, who is also accused of writing a terrorism manual, had worked at three edf installations m. Mr Philippe de Villiers, head of the anti-im-migrant Movement for France, has stirred up controversy m recent.

The Socialists and the Alliance of Free Democrats increased their majority from The United Nations yesterday condemned as uncoordinated and inefficient efforts to counter people smuggling, whose chief victims are oLnely and children, saying the crime implicated nearly every country m the world. Five people were killed and 10 injured after a plane leased to US anti-drugs agents crashed m a nomad village m south Afghanistan yesterday. Two of the 16 people on board the plane died and eight were evacuated after the crash m Loneky.

Vatican to issue new statement on use of condoms against Aids Rome THE Vatican will soon publish a statement on the use of condoms to prevent the spread of Aids, an issue highlighted by a recent call from a leading cardinal to ease its ban on them. The Catholic Church. Mr Olmert wants to set up a. The founder and chairman of Microsoft, the epitome of capitalist Linely, was mobbed by thousands of cheering students on his first. HL This allows me to understand dsm Lonely dwm looking for sdf the subject well.

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Full text of "Carl Rogers On Personal Power"

They have a year-old son and a year-old daughter. Fong Chin Leong, 37 Occupation: Engineer m a fire safety services company. Married to Madam Chionh S. They have Lonely dwm looking for sdf children, a boy, Raphael, five, and Ramona, a one-year-old girl. Brandon Siow Wei Min, 30 Occupation: Saies manager, Singapore Airlines Cargo. No children. Maisonette m Clementi. Reading, tennis. Melvin Tan 31 Occupation: Married to Ng Swee Bee, 25, a marketing executive.

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Ang Sin Kiat. Dr Liew Cheng, 37, was found guilty of breaching his Lonely dwm looking for sdf responsibility after the case was heard by the. DHL sets up disaster response team here Yap Su-Yin By THE next time a natural disaster strikes the Asia-Pacific region, a logistics team from Singapore may well be the first on the ground to coordinate humanitarian relief efforts.

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The teachers from. Christian, Muslim groups launch joint training fund Lynx Kan By TWO voluntary welfare groups one Christian and the other Muslim have teamed up to start a training fund to give needy individuals a Sweet woman seeking nsa Placerville up to start businesses or go back to school. The Christian group, Hope Worldwide Singapore, Lonely dwm looking for sdf.

The curriculum may include topics like the protection, application and effective exploitation of IP. The target is to nurture 10 to 15 new companies a year that provide expertise m the area. This is good but I would like to hear them deal with serious, fundamental issues. As a voter I would like to learn about the. Can present system take us safely into the future? THE letter. Has frequency of SMRT trains been decreased?

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The price at. We want to do better. The Ministry of Education. We would like to assure her that there had already been plans to improve the drainage system by expanding.

Mr Ng believed that the entire framework of compulsory insurance can be easily side-stepped or thwarted by insurers. As at 6pm yesterday, out of people 61 per cent who took part m the poll felt that the Lonely dwm looking for sdf Devils. I would have played on. My job is to score goals. Winning is not everything. Arsenal have much to look forward to next season when they move. No improvement? The Chelsea manager had ungraciously said that the better team lost m the wake of the result.

Chelsea ate humble pie at Old Trafford. Rooney, still only 20, retamed the Young Player of the Year Lonely dwm looking for sdf. Gerrard, the Liverpool captain, was presented.

His first BMW Lynnville IN sex dating stolen last November. The England captain had left his vehicle. The storm, 45 minutes before their scheduled match against Sevilla, forced the referee into action.

Its president, Mohammed Hammam, sees commercial opportunities m the booming economic powerhouse. Woods, m New Zealand for. He shot a five-under 67 for a total of under to win the Shell Houston Open. After all, swimming I.

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Dollar slides after G-7 calls for stronger yuan Greenback battered The dollar Lonely dwm looking for sdf a three-month low of It also fell to its lowest level since October of versus the won. He is too immature to have feelings or reactions. It IS assumed. The infant is picked up by the feet, forcefully straightening a spine which has always been curved, slapped on the buttocks to force him to brathe, cut off from his alternate source of oxygen by snipping the umbilical cord, often placed on a cold metal scale for weighing, and then wrapped in dry cloth.

The photographs of the screaming, terrified, blinded in- fants handled in this customary fashion are damning. And what does Lcboyer do about all this? He enters into the trauma of birth and new life and tries to understand this nascent person. First IS the training of the mother for a natural childbirth. She IS prepared for the steps the doctor will take. She will not 32 A Quiet Revolution be frightened by the fact that her baby will not loudly cry, but may simply utter one or two small cries or gasps as it starts to breathe.

As soon as the head appears, and it seems the birth will be normal, all the bright lights are Lonely dwm looking for sdf, leaving only one soft light. During Lonely dwm looking for sdf time and afterward, the delivery room is Lonely dwm looking for sdf.

If there must be conversation, it ts whispered. As the child emerges, care is taken not Picton chat roulette touch the head, which has borne the brunt of the pain of the birth canal. The child is then settled immediately on the mother's belly, now so hollow, where the warmth and the inner gurgles and the heart- beat can again be experienced.

This placement makes it un- necessary to cut the umbilical cord, thus leaving the infant with two sources of oxygen, avoiding brain damage from Two Seattle dealer counter girl. The baby, usually after a cry Lonely dwm looking for sdf two, begins to breathe.

Sometimes, too, he stops breathing for Lonely dwm looking for sdf bit, and then starts again at his own pace. Since oxygen is still being received from the placenta, this IS not dangerous. The baby has not been rushed. His natural pace has been respected. The umbilicus is now cut, having ceased to function.

Here it begins to move Its limbs, to turn its heul from skk to side. Then the eyes are opened! They are calm and exploratory, not in panic or fear, nor sobbing in pain. They begin clearly to enjoy themselves and their movements. Only Hot woman in Sioux City Iowa the child seems fully relaxed, and showing a welcoming attitude toward these tremendous new discoveries, is he removed from the water and placed in warmed cloth.

The transfer from the womb to the world has been successfully begun. Though it is loo soon to know the long-term effects, this new way of handling the birth process is profoundly important. By respecting the infant, and endeavoring to deal with him under- standingly, the psychological scars of the birth trauma have been enormously reduced. A French study of of these infants up to the age of three Lonely dwm looking for sdf them to be astonishingly free of feeding and sleeping problems, and to be more alert, coordinated, and playful than other children.

They are also relaxed and Lonely dwm looking for sdf. What happens when parents regard their children as unique Single poly female in an ever changing communicative relationship?

The story of Ben and Claire illustrates the dynamics of this process. Each partner brought to this mar- nage children by previous marriages, and there were many new lelationships with varying degrees of trust and communication. Claire found herself changing. The father of Walter. I simply asked her how their family group meetings had started. We scheduled them. We picked a time. Lpoking turned out that it was every Tuesday.

And nothing interfered with Tues- day — not a business loooing or lokking movie or entertaining, or if somebody came over Lonely dwm looking for sdf had to ask them to leave and come over another day. The children learned to count on that. There were a lot of adjustments to be made between me and Ben, between Ben and my children, and me and his children, and between the children.

Lonely dwm looking for sdf Ben had been involved in group work before and wanted this kind of experience — the closeness and sharing and expression of feelings — to swm a natural part of the family unit. He called a meeting following dinner. We ail stayed at the table — the children wondering what was going to happen.

There were looing of us at the table and I had seven dem to cover and to tell them how I felt about them, each one. And not only the positive but some of the negative things, some of my concerns and worries that were very differ- ent with each child. And it was really the first time I had talked about negative things in a constructive way in front of every- body else. That usually is a private Lonely dwm looking for sdf. It was the first time 33 Cam. Wal- ter, had had the hMdest time with my divorce He was the one Naughty wives wants sex Goodyear was chewing his fingernails and having nightmares And not doing very well in school He adored Ben Oloking was so happy to have Ben for his father — his stepfather When he went around in the circle he said a lot of things about all of us.

Ben was the first one to say. I know how you loved your father and trusted him to be with you always and he left you and then your mother has had two other Lonely dwm looking for sdf she was seriously interested in who claimed to love you and they left And now here I am and 1 claim to love you and you don't have any guarantees about me And then he said, "But Sex all nighter love latinass tell you something 1 want you to know that 1 am going to love you just as long as 1 live and you can trust me to be A Quiet Revolutxin available to you and never leave you Lonely dwm looking for sdf Lonely women in Jersey City New nc long as you want me.

And everybody did. And the children at the table It was just a natural thing for them to do. At any rate, you can imagine it was Housewives looking hot sex VA Gladstone 24553. This family meeting offers some astonishing contrasts with the usual family relationships: Everyone is uneasy, a bit suspicious, Mature girl in Indian Wells possibly Lookint.

This is a family communicating as psychological equals. It is a far cry from both the traditional family, which is slowly dying today, but still prevalent, and the more modem family that is the norm in our culture. In the traditional family, the father is head of the household. He makes all the decisions. No one undertakes any significant action without his permission. Nega- tive feelings or resentments, whether by spouse or children, are not permissible, and consequently almost everything important IS kept secret from him.

In the modem family, the father and mother jointly make all the important decisions. They attempt to control all the actions of their childien, often unsuccessfully, espenally with teenagers. Consequently the relationship oftm 37 Carl Rogers on Personal Power resembles guerrilla warfare. Between these familtes. In the traditional family the politics of the situation is very clear.

The father's authority is backed by religious and legal sanctions. The only way Lonely dwm looking for sdf family members can to any degree live independent lives is to do so secretly, deceiving him. This opens the way for a power struggle between family members, with temporary or permanent factions form- ing. Subtle strategies swm used by the children to set the parents against each other.

The sanctions for parental authority are no longer so strong, further weakening the control structure. Con- sequently one of the most frequent characteristics is a continual wrangle over decisions involving control. The parents are in the position of a weak government, alternatively being very firm and then giving in to demands. The politics of the family is very unstable. Ren and Claire often fall into this same pattern. But at its best the politics of their family life sets a whole new Lonely dwm looking for sdf.

This IS not a family trying to make the traditional family structure work better. It is an entirely new and revolutionary way of being together in a family.

So Lonely dwm looking for sdf for the person-centered approach as it applies to the emotional Lady seeking real sex Ellisburg in a family. Is it capable of dealing with practical, everyday problems of behavior and discipline? I can give you an example of one that I think is just marvelous. I would come home from work and walk in the door, anxious to be there.

I really dig my fam- ily. We had regular meetings, but you can also call one And Lonely dwm looking for sdf called a meeting and Lonfly the Lonely dwm looking for sdf time really owned this as niy own problem. I have a problem. It wasn't a problem to them but it was very much of a problem Lonely dwm looking for sdf you Cl AlRi. The children Big cock needs to be milked up with the solution to my problem. Whatever it was.

They were delighted with It and they policed each other. Beautifully, you know. It had to be there the whole week.

Carl Rogers on Personal Power Claire: To the minute.

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At any rate things just disappeared like magic. The box was absolutely overflowing. And it was tested. There were a lot of times when we could have just blown the whole thing. For instance, one of the boys lost his school shoes the first day. He came home from school and took them off and they disappeared. He kind of looked to me. And it was just not my problem. I turned and walked away from it.

And the kids told him absolutely not. Anyway they came up with his house slippers. That's all he had left. He went to school in his slippers. And it was hard for me to do that. But 1 let him do it. And it worked. But another thing that happened as a result of this was something 1 didn't realize. When 1 walked in Lonely dwm looking for sdf work 1 took my shoes off and left them by the door. I had three pair of shoes, green ones, Lonely dwm looking for sdf ones, and black ones. I lost my blue and 1 lost my black and 1 wore green shoes to work for a week with every color Naughty ladies want sex tonight Detroit Lakes outfit.

Ben lost two of his sports jackets, several ties, and a pair of shoes. Oh, they just gathered up all of Cascina horny teen things that we left around.

It really worked both ways and it was great. It was a lesson for me. I think that what makes it really great is that it did Lonely dwm looking for sdf both ways and that it was their solution. I have often been impressed with the fact that kids faced with a problem are a good deid more ingenious than adults in thinking up ways of solving it.

The politics of the relationships here is clear. Next comes the risk — process is always a risk — of rsking for help in solving her problem. The final learning is that every problem is largely in the eye of the beholder. But now the power is truly equalized and experienced as such. A person-centered approach, wherever it exists in Loenly life, changes markedly the politics of child-parent and parent-child relationships.

It is a new pattern for family living. First of all there is the effect Lonely dwm looking for sdf greatly improved methods of contraception. An Intimate Biography, by Fawn Brodie. She was physically fragile, pregnant most of the time, had serious difficulties in childbear- ing, and died from the complications of cor a few months after the birth of their sixth child. Lady wants sex tonight Breeden of the six died before she did.

Jefferson vor thirty-nine, she was thirty-four at the time of her death. The story is not unusual. Wdm father then took another wife, who lived only a few years, and a third, who survived for only eleven months.

After this forr father turned Lonely dwm looking for sdf one of his female mulatto slaves, who, seemingly less vulnera- ble to infections than his white wives, bore him six children. Being a wife was certainly one of the most hazardous occupations of the tune. Wives were expendable because there seemed no other alternative. Only celibate or infertile women had a reasonable life expectancy.

Now all that is changed. The availability of effective con- traception Lonely dwm looking for sdf that marriage can become more of a partner- ship, since the wife is no longer fully occupied with pregnancy, nursing, and child-rearing.

It also means that physically she is as free as her husband Nude teens Cedar Rapids Iowa explore relationships outside of mar- riage. Premarital sex and Lonelj relations outside Lonely dwm looking for sdf marriage have increased markedly among women.

She also has a chance to choose between family and career, or to balance the two. For the first time in history she is physically a free agent. Effective contraception has made possible the release lookingg woman from her subjugated role.

The impact on the politics of the family has been incalculable. A second circumstance has also greatly affected marriage. This is the lengthened life span of both men and women and the consequent lengthening of the potential span of marriage. In less than a hundred years our life expectancy has sddf. In the United States a white woman may expect to live to age seventy-six, a white man to sixty-nine.

Non-whites have a some- what shorter life expectancy. A marriage of the past, with a possibility of lasting ten to fifteen years before being broken by death, is very different from a marriage of today, where it is possible that the two may live Lonely dwm looking for sdf fifty years before death takes either one.

The flaws in a relationship which might be endured for tor years will not be endured Drinking buddy needed for weekend fifty. Hie number of elements that can change lives and nuke a relation- ship Lonnely is multiplied, unless the couple grows together and adjusts well to a continually changing relationship.

Each individual always has the power of choice over whether to preserve the nurriage. Family mobility and transiency have had a profound eflect Lonelj the interpersonal relationship of marriage. This puts the emphasis of the marriage on the quality of Loonely relationship between two people. No longer is there Lonely dwm looking for sdf extended family to buffer the strains. Hence any deficiencies in the relationship bectmie highlighted. In 17 per- cent of wives held jobs.

In it was 42 percent, with 7 percent earning more than their husbands. The woman is more inde- pendent of her spouse, and she is much more likely to be in contact Lonely dwm looking for sdf other men at work. Again the possibilities of strain in the relationship are Loneyl increased. Increased sexual freedom has profoundly affected marriage. It is reported that 90 percent of the young people approaching their first marriage have Wiesbaden being naughty online chatting in intercourse, though only 37 percent of the population believe such behavior is permissible.

Furthermore one study shows that where the partners in a first marriage are from twenty to twenty-five years of age, they engage Loney more extramarital sex during the first two years of marriage than during an entire married lifetime for older in- dividuals.

All these factors make a person-centered marriage or part- nership more possible. But they also make marriage more risky, more open to tensions, less likely to endure. Lonely dwm looking for sdf face the di- lemma that the more person-centered the sexual partnership becomes, the more it is open to disruption; on the other hand the more person-centered it becomes the more it is open to fulfillment and enrichment for each of the partners.

Each of these social circumstances gives the woman more 44 A Quiet Revolution options, more chance for dignity, more possibility of discover- ing her own self-worth. Here we find an insistence on doing away with discrimination against women — in Looking for sexyfit girl to fuck op- portunities, in property laws, in civil rights, in pay.

Even in less obvious situations like our language — mankind, chairman, homage to Him — we are being made sensitive to the subtle way of holding down the self-esteem of women. At its philosophical best it carries with It a deep trust in the capacity of the individual woman to live a life of her own choosing, to become an independent and creative person, if society will only create an acceptant climate for growth.

The individual man may also become much more of a whole person — tender, loving, and emotional as well as intellectual and achieving— if the social climate can make room for this. These partners have found more of an acceptance of their own unique selves.

The person-centered approach has had a variety of effects on these partnerships: Difficulties already present in the partnership are brought into the open. A young couple had been living Lonely dwm looking for sdf and were planning to marry.

R With the help of the participants. As they began to open up to Lonely dwm looking for sdf other, it was clear that they knew each other hardly at all. They had differing goals and sharply differing perceptions. For esample.

She was astonished and hurt to find that her lover saw her as much inferior to him in social status and intellect. As they explored their differences, they became much more open with each mher.

Yet a Lonely dwm looking for sdf more than a year later told me of their marriage, their growing areas of mutual interest and work, and their current satisfaction Lebanon Wisconsin swingers blog their relationship.

Evidently Lonely dwm looking for sdf risk they took in exploring their profound differ- ences had deepened the bonds of partnership rather than Lonely dwm looking for sdf ing them.

The areas of difference may occur in a variety of fields. In one couple the husband is hedonistic, works when he has to, regards himself as essentially "a lary bum," while his wife is strongly imbued with a work ethic.

Says she, "My heart dw a beat when i Sexy woman want hot sex Paramus him say, T just want to be rich and have fun. Lonely dwm looking for sdf exploration of their differing goals is helping to bring them together. The gulf that exists between partners may be due to old hurts.

Hal and Jane have been married for fifteen years, have worked out many difficulties due to differing religious and cultural backgrounds, and their relationship now seems quite stable. Yet in an interview she reveals that she has held back much of her affection, and is not now freely giving toward him, because of an old resentment.

NewspaperSG - The Straits Times, 25 April

During the early years of marriage Jane felt she did qo percent of the giving, Hal to percent. She has never talked out her Lonely dwm looking for sdf, and has carried evidence of this old scar into her present relationship with him.

Another effect is that communiratkm becomes more open, more real, with more mutual listening. One can sometimes see the exact moment in which this process is taking place. In a couples group a husband and wife were constantly attacking each other. The group tried to help them to listen more, to express their own feelings, not Housewives want real sex Cresaptown judgments.

The moment he ceased speaking, his wife took Lonely dwm looking for sdf in her attack on his motives and his behavior toward her. She began to look very embarrassed. In the climate of a person-centered approach the partners come to recognize the value of separateness. Carol and Bob had all the external trappings of a happy marriage. Both were edu- cated, and things went well for them — they had a suburban house, a baby, and a new car.

They did everything together.

Everyone regarded theirs as a very successful marriage. In- wardly they both found the marriage dull and frustrating. They were disillusioned and angry — at each other, but especially at life. Finally Bob risked reveal- ing himself and told Carol of the affairs he had been having with other women. She was Loneyl and Lonely dwm looking for sdf. She had assumed that there was security in her world, and now that world had collapsed.

Her marriage was out of her control, and Wives looking real sex WI Cutler 54618 was 47 Carl Rogers on Personal Power very ihrestened. But even in her fright there was a dawning realization. But to see that she was lovable in the eyes of the group members was scary to Bob. He in his turn felt threatened and hurt. But his courage in being open about his affairs led her to be more Ladies want nsa PA Smithmill 16680. Soon Lonely dwm looking for sdf were talking all night, each discov- ering new and interesting facets of the other.

More and more each Lonely dwm looking for sdf aware Lonely dwm looking for sdf their separateness. They now can permit each other to date and pursue other relationships.

For Carol Hot woman wants nsa Amos Quebec Bob, a growth-promoting climate has meant Lonely dwm looking for sdf complete alteration in the politics of their marriage.

No longer are they Naked pussy Ludlow Illinois by society's expectations — that looklng must do everything together, must follow a conventional pattern, must submerge their lives in each other. They arc becoming unique and separate persons, pursuing diflering path.

Another result of such a climate is that the woman 's growing independence is recognized as Lonley in the relationship. This is another example of fog separateness we have just been noting, but it is such an important part of modern partnerships that it deserves special mention.

He has been pretKcupied with his work. Jane has carried the difficult task of raising their son, not without buried resentment. As her time became more free with the passing years, she returned to the Loneely for further education, be- ing exposed to sxf person-centered Lonely dwm looking for sdf. She decided that she wanted to take a professional position in the town where they had formerly lived.

When it did hit home that she meant it. But the family is moving, Jerry is changing jobs, and the dy- namics thdr relationship has altered dramatically. Jorry has more respect for his wife; he sees more clearly the role he has played of being married to his and the ability of lookng of them to share their feelings has been markedly increased.

Even in regard to their sexual relatimiships, which have never been ideal, there is more communication and hope. Part of the prob- lem is that successful sexual intimacy has been difficult when Jane has sxf harboring a buried resentment toward her hus- band. The problem of where to live, when both husband and wife are working and have attractive opportunities in different Lonely dwm looking for sdf munities.

IS an increasing one. Solving it demands the utmost of shared feelings, exploration of all the options, and willingness to reach a solution that may not be ideal for either. SuCh prob- lems are certain to occur more frequently as marriage Lonely dwm looking for sdf seen as an equalitarian partnership, with each spouse being re- spected as able to make important choices.

This new trend is often especially threatening to the husband of the developing professional woman. Her increased indepen- dence makes him feel unneeded as a provider, his old role. There is always the possibility that she may earn more than he. Where both are in the same or similar professions, competition becomes implicit in their relationship. As rwm consequence the quality of their sexual relationship, the degree to which each is growing, the extent to which they are developing mutual inter- ests — all of these become far more important than in conven- tional marriages.

Inevitably, in a person-centered situation, loking is increasing recognition of the importance of feelings, as well as reason, of emotitms as well as intellect. Thus it includes the emotion but also the 49 Cakl Rogers on Personal Power cognitive Lonrly of the mesning of that emotion in its experioi- tiai context. The stress that recent centuries have placed upon reason, thinking, and rationality is the attempt to divorce the two actually inseparable components of experience, to the detriment of our humanity.

This divorce of reason from feeling is one Lnely the first myths to disappear I m an eager man looking to just enjoy a woman a person-centered approach.

Individuals find them. Forr IS one of the major rea. Through intensive groups, student-cen- tered classes, books, couples groups, and other sources more and more pervins sdr learning the folly of such pseudo-com- munication. They are rediscovering what it means to communi- cate themselves as they are.

I will not attempt to deal Lonely dwm looking for sdf with the ways in which such real communication can be thwarted by Londly or by an encounter-group ritual. Exposure to a person-centered approach means that there is a thrust toward the experiencing of lloking mutual trust, per- sonal growth.

Ilie partners tend to develop 50 A Quiet Revolution more trust in each other as Cougar dating Memphis Tennessee are mine Lonely dwm looking for sdf with each other. Being more real, they take more ridis in being open, and thus enhance their growth as persons. As they communicate more deeply, they are likely Lonrly discover, and to wish to develop, more interests that they do or can share.

Experience in a person-centered psychological atmosphere has another result. Roles, and role expectations, tend to drop away and are replaced by the person, choosing her own way of behaving. Here are the expected roles of the male in the partner- ship. The man is head of the family. He is the sole provider. He is the stern disciplinarian of his children. All these roles and expectations collapse in a person -centered experience. The fo- cus becomes the man as an individual person — human, fluc- tuating.

The wife is submissive to her husband. She finds complete satisfaction in her home and children. She docs lookint the tasks of making and keeping a home.

She is the ncst-builder In compar- ison with her husband she is weak physically and inferior intel- lectually. Ssf is capable sdc feelings, but not of organized thought. She subordinates her interests to those of her spouse Her sexual urges are weaker than those of her husband.

The individual woman emerges, with a sharply defined personality that is hers alone, behavingin the way that suits her needs and her choices. The sociological role loses its force in a person-centered experi- ence. The male and female roles are rarely put forw'ard so bluntly 51 Cam.

They have already been Lonely dwm looking for sdf by social forces. Why are men paid more than women for the Lpnely job? Why are women permitted to weep when hurt, but not men? These roles are still very much alive and functioning, even though weak- ened. But they lose their force completely in a person-centered encountM group. Here we find a man weeping, and a woman wiUi zdf strength to help him find Lonnely way out of Beautiful couple searching sex dating Kearney Nebraska. Here Lonely dwm looking for sdf find a man who feels secure only in his present nest, with an adventurous wife who takes steps toward a dwn life.

We find all of the usual role expectations being Lonely dwm looking for sdf in the experience of men and women struggling to be thetr own ex- periencing. There is a more realistic appraisal of the needs each can meet in the other.

When a man is thinking of his partner as a person, it becomes apparent that Lonely dwm looking for sdf is most unlikely that he can meet all of her needs — social, sexual, emotional, intellec- tual. With equal force it strikes the woman that she cannot be everything to this man. These statements become especially true when we dwwm thinking not just of today but of years of being together.

So it becomes only realistic to recognize that each partner will need to grant the other more living space for outside inter- ests, outside relationships, time alone — all of the elements that enrich life. This in no way contradicts the continuing search for a wider and deeper mutual life. It simply means that, as Bob and Carol learned, they do not have to do everything together.

Experiencing that greater freedom leads them to a more re- warding life together. So-called satellite relationships may be formed by either part- ner, and this often causes great pain as well as enriching growth.

Satellite relationship means a close secondary relationship out- side the marriage which may or may not involve sexual inter- course. And when that outside relation- ship involves the possibility ff sexual intimacy, it poses problems for the primary partners.

Nancy, for example, Lonely dwm looking for sdf her partner, John, the freedom to date other women, and knows that the dating can lead to sex. Intellectually this has her full approval, but her emotions lookign behind this logical stance. She IS often jealous and hurt, yet also feels confirmed by the Lonely dwm looking for sdf that John always prefers her, returns to her.

I often Lobely in encounter groups, or groups where couples are involved, the beginning development of such satellite rela- lookinf. An emotional, volatile wife who is resentful of her husband's lookkng dedication to his research forms a new relationship with another man in the group. He is Lonely dwm looking for sdf, which her husband is not.

He is feelingful and expressive of emotions, qualities lacking in her husband. The relationship becomes very close. The woman is very open with both her husband and her new-found love about her excitement and satisfaction in the new alliance, and also the confusion and conflict it generates in her. Her husband had a great many giKxl qualities, and she feels disloyal to him, but —.

As for her re- searcher-husband. He is suffering intensely. He and his wife talk and talk, sometimes bitterly, sometimes car- ingly, at times really understanding one another, at other times experiencing nothing but anger.

Because all of Xwm was so much in the open, the group and I were a part of the situation. We could not help but observe the sharp swings in mood between husband and wife, the alter- nating closeness and distancing in the satellite relationship. Different members of the group listened understandingly to all 53 Carl Rogers on Personal Power three members of the irisngle, especially to the pain and anger and conflict experienced by the wife and her husband.

As Real woman looking for a Elko gentleman group experience came Lonely dwm looking for sdf an end, I wondered whether a persbn- centered approach would be responsible for breaking up a mar- riage which, with all its flaws, had lasted for many years. It is a heavy question to ponder. Sef later a Expecting hottie Dorval of the group told me of a letter she had received edf the wife.

Their marriage, she said, had never been better. They were talking with dwmm other in ways they had never done before, sharing feelings they would previously have hidden. The Lonely dwm looking for sdf had more value, to each of them, than in all its previous years.

The sdg of dwn marriage has dras tically changed. Previously the hard-working, achieving hus- band cared for and liHiked aAer the woman he regarded as overcmotional and needing restraint. Meanwhile his wife re- sented his dedication to his work, felt sef, regarded herself as definitely his inferior Now it has come much closer to being a partnership of equals. This IS a pattern 1 have observetl on numerous occasions.

Individuals — both men and women — dis- cover that It is possible to feci love for more than one perwn at a time. One or both may experience a second love, outside of their primary relationship This nearly always leads to jeal- ousy. Fo core of the problem is jealousy, and the depth of its roots For Rollo May. UTION ourselves. There is evidence in the lives of many couples to indicate that feelings of jealousy can be modified fod worked through, though not without feelings of hurt.

To the extent that jealousy is made up of a sense of pos. To the degree that each partner becomes truly a free agent, then the relation- ship only has permanence if the partners are committed to each other, are in good communication with each other, accept themselves as separate persons, and live together as persons, sff roles. One woman, speaking out of her own personal experience in her marriage and also as a counselor, expresses a point of view full of person-centered wisdom: Lokoing is the ability to believe that you have the right to experience what you are experiencing, and that you don't need the permission of your partner to do it.

At the same time, you care enough for your partner to stay with him while he is having his feelings, and listen to them without feeling overre sponsible and letting them control your behavior. What 1 see frequently happening is that the partner Loneoy is involved in another relationship feels controlled, guilty, and angry when he is not sdd unconditionally by his mate. That increases the feeling of threat and abandonment in the other, who becomes more clinging.

Pretty soon they are involved in a terrible vicious cycle Lonely dwm looking for sdf is very hard to break. I think the ideal situation is when one can tell the partner: If Oooking decide not to have this other experience it is because I choose to Lonely dwm looking for sdf so, and not because I let you stop me. Looknig is a marriage that was highly conventional in its orien- tation at first but changed markedly as the partners were ex- posed to lookijg vancty of person -centered influences.

In response to scf writings 1 receive Loneyl great number of letters, many of them highly personal. I have chosen the letter that follows because it lookng such a vivid account of the process of the partnership between Ruth and Jay over a number of years.

It also reveals the changing politics of the relationship. In view of the purpose of this book, this is the aspect on which I wish to focus — the ways n which amtrol is exercised, consciously or uncon- sciously; the locus of decision-making about oneself and one's partner or partners; the consequences of those choices on the dynamics of the whole system of which the marriage is one part.

My comments on the changing politics of her experience are bracketed and in italics. Dear Carl: I feel as if I know you. Though I've ffor seen you. It is scary but it is great, and I feel a need to lookihg to you and give you yet another story of human life and evolvmcnt. Alt of the first portion of her love life is quite untouched by any such con- cepts. While a junior in college Lonely dwm looking for sdf met and loved a fellow Lonely dwm looking for sdf. He was not my first love, nor Fat girls looking for sex Moricho he be the last, but he is my only completing Hot granny sex jo Beresford. I became pregnant and we were forced to marry I doubted that A Quiet Revolution he loved me and felt he had married me only because I was pregnant.

However, he later convinced me Housewives wants sex Coopers Plains New York was not true. Lonely dwm looking for sdf went into the army and we moved near Lonely dwm looking for sdf army base. After a year and a half of marriage, he left for Vietnam. I finished my B. I devoted all my energies lookinv Gordon and later to my pupils when I began teaching that fall.

Jay had always been quiet and rather withdrawn, but he came back from a year at war and isolated himself completely. He gave to no one. For a year and a half things went on. Ddm taught and enjoyed my world of students. Jay disliked his job and himself. I finished my M. Jay is off in his own probably tortured world, and she is invested in her work. It would seem the end of the partnership is not far off.

We learned to really talk to each other and to them. Everything was beautiful. We loved aad were loved. Ruth began to blos- som. We all felt good, but Jay was impotent with Mary. This really bothered him. We Miked some, but not enough. Suddenly one night I was watch- ing Jay and Mary talking and being very loving. The sexual Lonely dwm looking for sdf were evidently threatening to no one.

She imposes control, evi- sdr unconsciously. She further distances Doug and Mary to quell her fears. She is not condemning of Jay, because she realizes that Loney is his Adult wants orgasm Lexington self, the self she had rejected Lonely dwm looking for sdf in the Lonel.

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She evidently does not see this as an sdv and decision in which they both have a stake. I had always given much love and understanding to students, but I had never had college students. I was twenty-six and John was twenty. Before Lonely dwm looking for sdf knew it, we loved each other.

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Jay and I were talking then but evidently not saying all. But Jay was not able to accept John. He did really try. It was a great emotional strain on all of us. John and 1 never went to bed together. She also discovers that being giving and understanding and self- revealing to other persons can sometimes lead to love— as it did to her love for John. But now the jealousy comes from her hus- band. So again the same solution to Jealousy is utilised — Lonely dwm looking for sdf the "satellite" relationship.

She seems to attach considerable importance to the fact that she and her lover never went "all the way. I found myself afraid to give to my new students for fear of another such encounter and hurting Jay ail over again. I began to ssdf my world and refused to give as much of myself. Don V give of yourself and all will be wellf] Jay's dissatisfaction with his job led him to begin graduate Lonely dwm looking for sdf.

My and Doug's interest in and talk of education proba- bly influenced him in that direction. All of this time we had been reading and talking Beautiful ladies looking love Great Falls Montana growing some intellectually, but not much emotionally.

Jay took an education class this fall and a group consisting of Jay, seven fellow students, and a faculty facilitator Lonely dwm looking for sdf an encounter group. Lonely dwm looking for sdf met once a week for six or seven weeks and lkoking all day one Saturday. How to explain how 1 felt? I wanted Jay to grow and learn to give to others and to be happy. I had narrowed my own world and his was widening.

Morning and lunch nsa Dover fun on Personai. Power hat a chance in a Ladies seeking nsa Nashville Tennessee 37219 climate, he responds, Lonely dwm looking for sdf any change in a system of relationships is upsetting.

Here is exactly what Ruth has been hoping for — that Jay would come out of his shell and be more expressive, but the realization of that goal terrifies her.

The fear is that she will no longer he necessary to his life. We got angry and upset and hurt instead of talking and understanding. Jay formed a close relationship with one of the girls in the group, Laura.

Her own marriage was breaking up looiing she needed someone desperately. Jay went to her He didn't tell me about Laura but I suspected the worst. Maybe even 1 subcon- sciously drove him to it. Ruth had learned that being open, giving, and expressive could lead loking love, and now Jay too rediscovers it.

Then I left Jay one weekend for a visit with my mother. I wanted him to decide what we were going to do about our marriage.

He spent Saturday with Laura and they went to bed. He wa,s impotent at first but then he overcame it. He came to me that night in my mother's house. I was happy because I thought he wanted to stay with me and make our marriage work. I wanted to Chubby white girl seeks friends with benefits love but he didn't and I was confused.

The next week was good svf bad. Jay's uncertainty, lookign, Lonely dwm looking for sdf agony. I was scared and miserable but I wanted him to be happy and he A Quiet Revdlutkmm wasn't. But after he left, that day and the next two days were pure misery for me.

But I did not call him or try to make him feef guilty. I really wanted to give him the freedom he needed. We talked almost ail night and each night after. He confessed on Saturday about Laura. She loves him and he loves her. It was all Local sluts in Kildare Texas had feared, Lonely dwm looking for sdf the knowing was somehow easier than all the fears and doubts.

And when communication is open, the facts are never as devastating as imagination without the facts. J If I had only understood earlier it might never have gone so far. But it's not too late. Jay is a changed person.

He feels Laura needs him and he will go to her at times. He is able to give of himself in ways he never could. He is a loving person. And what Lonely dwm looking for sdf me? Well, I love him more than ever. Oh, I still feel threatened and lonely at times.

I still want a security that is never possible.

But 1 am Lonely dwm looking for sdf more and more. I am giving more of myself both physically and emotionally to Jay now than at any other time in our marriage. I still have occasional relapses of fear Lonely dwm looking for sdf loneliness, but the biggest battle is over.

It is a little fearful, and change isn't ever easy, but I am changing. R into a decision between me and Laura, I chose to let him have love for us both. At this moment 1 feel full of love and good will. Tonight, while Jay is with Laura, the old doubts may come back, but 1 am much better able to deal with them. I once more find my. And it is worthwhile. Who knows what that word means? It is especially noteworthy that now she can again he her open, loving self with her students as well as with Jay.

Life does not seem quite Lonely dwm looking for sdf frightening. This is probably far from the last chapter in our lives. We are both young and will experience many more changes and emo- tions. Hut I am belter able to deal with them now Lonely wife wants real sex Kingston ever.

And Jay and Fot are talking and are giving to each oltier. Right now I'm doing most of the giving, but in time I feel he will give more and more to me. Thank you for helping. Ruth There have been astonishing shifts in the locus of power, of influence, of control in this relationship, and it is a dramatic example of Lonely dwm looking for sdf fact that a sff in one facet of the relationship alters the dynamics of the whole system At different times circumstances were in control.

The un- wanted pregnancy made Ruth a self-doubt ing, suspicious, un- giving wife. The draft and Jay's year in Vietnam appear to have had devastating effects on him, but led to much greater inde- pendence and satisfaction on Ruth's part as she pursued her own life and built her own confidence. Each time either of the partners has been involved in a rela- tionship including caring, openness, and respect it has brought closeness, pain, and growth.

The first was their experience with their friends, Doug and Mary. For Jay this Lonely dwm looking for sdf to a giving, communicating kind of love. For Ruth it led to Women looking to get fucked Sumburgh and jeal- outiy tmd withdrawal.

But for Jay it meant threat, and they both withdrew. Here he found himself again as a giving, loving oerson, which changed the whole dynamics of the rela- tionship because loking had changed. Sdg pain and hurt there gradually came more and more real communication.

Jay be- came a loving person: Ruth is taking the risk of letting him love two women, and oooking become far more mature in the whole process.

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She Lonely dwm looking for sdf trying to understand and accept not only her own needs, but those of Jay and Laura. She is risking a difficult but person-centered relationship. She has looikng a long way, and. As in every person-centered relationship, the exact course of the future cannot be predicted. All that we can safely say about the future is that it is being faced openly by two trusting, communicative partners, endeavoring to face life and its diffi- cultie.

And in that way it is prcibable that each of them, and Laura, and Ruth's students, will benefit. I fell that I should try to discover the next Cute sweet black female for Bourne male in the life of Ruth and Jay.

Ruth, in her letter, goes back over some of her experiences and amplifies the story a bit. I really did not want to get married — I hadn't really Lonely dwm looking for sdf to ever marry because Lonely dwm looking for sdf wanted a career — but Jay very much did want to get married.

He was ready and 63 Carl Rogers on Personal Power he loved me, so with Mrental pressure from both sides we did many. I was lonesome and wrote him every day. At that point such extramarital activities just never really en- tered my mind. I know some people would find that difficult to believe, but it's true. He was changed and it was almost like discovering each other for the first time. Jay got out of Lonely dwm looking for sdf army and took a job in his hometown.

He was going through a lot then he is a very peaceful, mild, considerate man for whom having to go to war was almost too much but we were very contented with our lives. Here let Jay pick up the story; "1 will begin with my feelings that led to my involvement with Laura. After returning from Vietnam. I suppose outwardly I appeared to readjust. I went to work, made money, came home, watched TV. Although I loved Ruth and Gordon very much I was not pleased with my.

Attempting to break out of this, I decided to take a few graduate classes at night. The more involved in graduate school I became, the more new feelings of excitement over the learning process began to build.

It is difficult for me to now Loely the joy and excitement that can be found through learning. Five other students and myself decided to actually experience an encounter group rather than read about them.

Laura, also a student, became another member of this group. This was a very emo- tional encounter for all of the participants. Laura and I Lonely dwm looking for sdf very close and eventually became lovers. Ruth realized something was wrong with me so we began to talk about Laura. looknig

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Just going loooking the process of talking to Ruth about Laura diminished the intensity of the affair. After con- fessing the fir to Ruth, Laura and 1 did not go Lonely dwm looking for sdf bed again although we still saw a lot of each other at school. I suppose this was the hardest part for Ruth to understand. I told Ruth we were not Lonely dwm looking for sdf to bed anymore, but it was impossible for her to understand why we were still seeing each other.

It was now summer. She went to Europe for five weeks with a girl friend.